Bullying: My experience

When I was in elementary school, I experienced bullying. I remember telling an adult about it and it didn’t really stop him from bullying me. I didn’t understand why I was being bullied by him and until this day, I still have no clue. Even though I was getting physically bullied by a boy in my class, being bullied verbally got to me. In middle school and high school, I was bullied verbally. One of the things I won’t forget is the prettiest to ugliest list. According to them, if your name was at the bottom of the list, you were the ugliest. My name was in the ugly part of the list and in high school, it’s because I looked depressed. By the time I was in high school, I told myself to be more focused on grades and how I would get a high gpa. I did great my 9th grade year, but I also dealt with bullying. I remember crying one day in the rain because a boy kept talking about me in the class. I didn’t know him, and he talked about me like he knew me. I told one of my parents about it and their advice didn’t help me at the time. When I transferred schools, I didn’t experience bullying as much as I did in my old school. I was called ugly and people picked on me, but I later forgave them after some knew what they did.

Being bullied was an unpleasant experience for me. At the time I was bullied, I tried my best to ignore them, but that didn’t do much. I would sit in the chair pretending that I don’t hear them when I was waiting for it to stop. Looking at my bullying experience, I hated that I changed myself just to fit in with those type of kids. Not only did I get myself in a lot of mess, my grades were dropping in the process. On the day of graduation, I remember not being happy like the other people in my class. I felt like I didn’t accomplish anything and how I didn’t get honors. Even though I was putting a smile on my face for my family, I hid that I didn’t get honors. Not getting honors and not going to a university were things that took me into depression. On top of that, I had thought about the past and I didn’t realize that time was passing me by.

Dealing with that experience has made it difficult for me to move on from the past. Sometimes I think about those that talked about me and how I didn’t defend myself back then. I feel like its easy for someone to say “you need to let it go,” when its not an easy thing to do. Everyone heals differently and for me, it’s just taking me a long time to do that. Honestly, I don’t know how I made it through that experience because in that moment, I didn’t think I’d get out of it. It felt like I was going to stay in that situation forever and that I was worthless. Every time I turned around, I couldn’t really catch a break from what was going on. I remember one moment where I was going insane because I didn’t know how to handle my problems.

As I got older, I’ve met people that gave me hope through my situation. Although I didn’t have a pleasant experience with bullying, I try to take steps each day to heal. I will continue taking steps and trying to be a better person I was meant to be. If I could say anything to someone being bullied, I would tell them to not give up and don’t change who you are for them. Changing yourself for them is nothing but a waste of time and can cost you when you’re older. Continue to get good grades and try to be the best person you can be. You push forward no matter what happens to you because life is worth living! Find your purpose and don’t give up! Don’t let any bad apples destroy your life experiences!

 

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Love

When we first met

It was love at first sight

I tried pushing you away

And deep down I knew it wasn’t right

It took me a while to realize

That you’re the one I want

You showed me what love is

And forgave me for what I did

I never thought I’d find love

Until that day you sat next to me

If you asked me what I love about you

I’d say everything

Agony

It’s crazy how you tried to break me

You didn’t care that we were family

I watched you laugh at my agony

All because you were unhappy

I tried to forgive you

Even though you did things

Family shouldn’t do

I think I find it funny

That you don’t want to see me happy

Precious memories

When I look at your picture

I think of our memories

Every time I saw you

You would have a big smile on your face

And you were filled with positive energy

Whenever we were on the phone

You always talked about fishing

I knew if I could tell a joke

You were the first person laughing

I’ll always miss you

No matter how much time passes by

I thank you for being strong, caring, and kind

Bad Boy

When I was younger

I dated a “bad boy”

Every blue moon he would see me

I couldn’t talk to him about anything

The way he acted was unforgiving

He didn’t want a relationship

He wanted a girl he could use

And play the same games with them too

Time for change

If I want to change

I have to do it for myself

I can’t think about the past

Or compare my life to anyone else

I felt guilty for being different

For years, I’ve decided to keep myself hidden

I’m tired of looking at the bad things in life

I am ready for change

And to have a positive look on life

I understand my emotions is holding me back

It’s time for me to be stronger

To improve on the things I lack

Did you even care?

When I told you how I felt about you

I meant every word back then

I wanted to give our relationship another chance

You texted me “okay”

Not caring about the words I said

That feeling

Sometimes I feel like

something is watching me

Every night, it’s hard for me to go to sleep

I can’t help but to have this weird feeling

Whatever it is might be staring

I kept this feeling hidden for a while

I felt this way ever since I was a child

Tangled web

My thoughts is like a tangled web

I can’t stop thinking of the thoughts I’ve held

Being hurt repeatedly is hard to forget

It’s a never ending cycle of torment

I can’t think straight on most days

But I use laughter to keep a frown off my face

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