Bullying: My experience

When I was in elementary school, I experienced bullying. I remember telling an adult about it and it didn’t really stop him from bullying me. I didn’t understand why I was being bullied by him and until this day, I still have no clue. Even though I was getting physically bullied by a boy in my class, being bullied verbally got to me. In middle school and high school, I was bullied verbally. One of the things I won’t forget is the prettiest to ugliest list. According to them, if your name was at the bottom of the list, you were the ugliest. My name was in the ugly part of the list and in high school, it’s because I looked depressed. By the time I was in high school, I told myself to be more focused on grades and how I would get a high gpa. I did great my 9th grade year, but I also dealt with bullying. I remember crying one day in the rain because a boy kept talking about me in the class. I didn’t know him, and he talked about me like he knew me. I told one of my parents about it and their advice didn’t help me at the time. When I transferred schools, I didn’t experience bullying as much as I did in my old school. I was called ugly and people picked on me, but I later forgave them after some knew what they did.

Being bullied was an unpleasant experience for me. At the time I was bullied, I tried my best to ignore them, but that didn’t do much. I would sit in the chair pretending that I don’t hear them when I was waiting for it to stop. Looking at my bullying experience, I hated that I changed myself just to fit in with those type of kids. Not only did I get myself in a lot of mess, my grades were dropping in the process. On the day of graduation, I remember not being happy like the other people in my class. I felt like I didn’t accomplish anything and how I didn’t get honors. Even though I was putting a smile on my face for my family, I hid that I didn’t get honors. Not getting honors and not going to a university were things that took me into depression. On top of that, I had thought about the past and I didn’t realize that time was passing me by.

Dealing with that experience has made it difficult for me to move on from the past. Sometimes I think about those that talked about me and how I didn’t defend myself back then. I feel like its easy for someone to say “you need to let it go,” when its not an easy thing to do. Everyone heals differently and for me, it’s just taking me a long time to do that. Honestly, I don’t know how I made it through that experience because in that moment, I didn’t think I’d get out of it. It felt like I was going to stay in that situation forever and that I was worthless. Every time I turned around, I couldn’t really catch a break from what was going on. I remember one moment where I was going insane because I didn’t know how to handle my problems.

As I got older, I’ve met people that gave me hope through my situation. Although I didn’t have a pleasant experience with bullying, I try to take steps each day to heal. I will continue taking steps and trying to be a better person I was meant to be. If I could say anything to someone being bullied, I would tell them to not give up and don’t change who you are for them. Changing yourself for them is nothing but a waste of time and can cost you when you’re older. Continue to get good grades and try to be the best person you can be. You push forward no matter what happens to you because life is worth living! Find your purpose and don’t give up! Don’t let any bad apples destroy your life experiences!

 

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Questions

I want to know

Why you hurt me the way you did

I thought you would change

But you act like a little kid

You caused a lot of pain

That I’m trying to heal from

Do you care about the damage you’ve done?

I hope one day you see your manipulating ways

Because you need to learn a lesson

If I had the courage

I would ask you that question

Agony

It’s crazy how you tried to break me

You didn’t care that we were family

I watched you laugh at my agony

All because you were unhappy

I tried to forgive you

Even though you did things

Family shouldn’t do

I think I find it funny

That you don’t want to see me happy

Betrayal

I can’t wrap my head around

The things that were done to me

Ever since I was young

I’ve always felt lonely

They don’t understand my pain

Or what drives me insane

They only care about who

They are trying to frame

Just Listen

Sometimes I wish you would listen to me

Everytime I turn around

It’s the same old thing

Whenever I talk to you

I can’t speak my mind

Because you want to argue each time

Can you listen to my words for once?

And act like you care

All I want is for someone to be there

I’ve spent years trying to figure out

Why you treat me this way

I still don’t know the answer

Until this day

As days go by,

You pretend everything is fine

I wish you would understand

That you’re the one

Who crossed the line

How could you tell me you love me

How could you tell me you love me

And not mean a word

I sat by your side

Even when you got hurt

I never wanted to let you go

This is something you should know

How could you be so cold

You played with my feelings

Like a joke

I was there

When you needed someone to talk to

I tried being there for you

Every time you called

I stopped everything I was doing

Just to hear your voice again

You will never understand

How much I cared about you

I spent hours on the phone

To make sure you’re doing fine

I didn’t care if we were friends around that time

Precious memories

When I look at your picture

I think of our memories

Every time I saw you

You would have a big smile on your face

And you were filled with positive energy

Whenever we were on the phone

You always talked about fishing

I knew if I could tell a joke

You were the first person laughing

I’ll always miss you

No matter how much time passes by

I thank you for being strong, caring, and kind

Bad Boy

When I was younger

I dated a “bad boy”

Every blue moon he would see me

I couldn’t talk to him about anything

The way he acted was unforgiving

He didn’t want a relationship

He wanted a girl he could use

And play the same games with them too

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